I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have fence marks all over my body
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
