I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
