Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
