How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
