um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
