I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
