id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
