Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
