Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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