Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The power of my boobs compel you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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