This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
