she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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