I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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