bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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