Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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