Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
