That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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