I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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