Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
