if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize