I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
