all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dear god my vagina.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
