The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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