I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
