we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
