At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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