I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
