I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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