tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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