I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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