I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
