I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
