speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
