I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
