i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
