This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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