wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
