omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
