Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
