How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
