wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
