Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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