I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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