We're facebook friends in real life
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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