I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
