my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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