Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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