I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
