This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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