Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
