My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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