First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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