Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
