okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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