Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
