Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
