Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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