I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
