And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dicks are not precious.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
