we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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