$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
