Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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